Back from the Brink

When the realisation came to me that a life without debilitating anxiety was possible, I didn't quite know what to do with it. The thought came to me as if an apparition and I could hardly believe it to be true. But it is. I was first diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder in my early twenties and the belief was instilled in me that there was something wrong with me and this was just something I was going to have to live with and could medicate with SSRI and Xanor. Both were delicious but never quite did the trick.

What I've come to learn is that the real stumbling block with anxiety is that it is addictive. while medications might numb things, they don't change your ways of thinking - and that's the real trick to getting yourself out.

We become locked into the cycle of addiction, and learn to crave the chemical rush of adrenaline that comes with anxiety. Just like anything, feeling anxious is a learned behaviour and the more we do it, the more we continue to experience it and the circle continues. We become so used to feeling anxious that this becomes our natural state. I was so locked into the belief that this was all that there was, and I was just destined to be a nervous wreck till doomsday. But somehow, through a combination of lifestyle changes and thought pattern reformatting, I was able to snap out of the trance.

And I can honestly say that I feel centred, present and able to enjoy my life without fear. I lived crippled by the fear for years, and I've managed to create an existence where I don't feel terrified all the time. While I am fully aware that this might not last forever, and there will certainly be times when life becomes more stressful and the dreaded demon anxiety will emerge. But I now know, that there's a possibility for life without it, and the feeling doesn't have to be a permanent fixture.

Your experience of anxiety is not a part of you. It's a feeling based on thoughts, and most likely fictional imaginings of the future. And while it's really difficult to control your impulsive emotional reactions, you can control your thoughts. You can choose what you believe and the way you think about yourself and your life. You can choose to experience joy. This might sound cheesy, but trust me, there is more to life than fear, and I'm really happy to have found a path out of the dark clouds.